drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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