i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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