i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
