you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
