I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
