The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
