Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
