Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
