I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize