My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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