i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
