1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
