They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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