Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize