Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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