Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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