you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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