Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Someone signed my nipple.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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