I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
