Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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