dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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