You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
