one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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