Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
