A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
