It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
