im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
