Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter

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(954): You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter http://tfl.nu/xmwz

Replies (17) Good night (2122) Bad night (488)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.

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(262): Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face. http://tfl.nu/let7

Replies (4) Good night (693) Bad night (3404)
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(727): View more from Florida

He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.

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(727): He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course. http://tfl.nu/636t

Replies (17) Good night (3617) Bad night (884)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.

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(262): Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award. http://tfl.nu/7kwq

Replies (6) Good night (3645) Bad night (827)
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(443): View more from Maryland

He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him

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(443): He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him http://tfl.nu/8x14

Replies (19) Good night (1365) Bad night (4051)
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(516): View more from New York

i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

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(516): i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang. http://tfl.nu/ryqf

Replies (8) Good night (3331) Bad night (995)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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(732): Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve http://tfl.nu/de13

Replies (4) Good night (4462) Bad night (775)
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(206): View more from Washington

someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.

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(206): someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'. http://tfl.nu/u94d

Replies (9) Good night (6957) Bad night (848)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?

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(513): I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out? http://tfl.nu/sosx

Replies (6) Good night (1427) Bad night (1126)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.

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(403): I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here. http://tfl.nu/2ffm

Replies (4) Good night (1142) Bad night (438)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.

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(402): Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen. http://tfl.nu/czwa

Replies (4) Good night (328) Bad night (878)
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(940): View more from Texas

I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.

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(940): I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect. http://tfl.nu/o532

Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (229)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.

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(508): I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi. http://tfl.nu/i78a

Replies (1) Good night (433) Bad night (207)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.

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(202): As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring. http://tfl.nu/gw6v

Replies (22) Good night (1887) Bad night (283)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.

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(541): I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith. http://tfl.nu/2rsg

Replies (6) Good night (416) Bad night (166)

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