Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay

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(202): dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay http://tfl.nu/5gp7

Replies (9) Good night (1400) Bad night (2637)
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(519): View more from Ontario

oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

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(519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76

Replies (22) Good night (7143) Bad night (818)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys

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(781): They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys http://tfl.nu/3nq8

Replies (33) Good night (4840) Bad night (812)
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(630): View more from Illinois

They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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(630): They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today. http://tfl.nu/t7wc

Replies (18) Good night (4619) Bad night (557)
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(760): View more from California

Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?

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(760): Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get? http://tfl.nu/1t41

Replies (12) Good night (3847) Bad night (657)
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(805): View more from California

I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends

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(805): I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends http://tfl.nu/9344

Replies (35) Good night (1527) Bad night (4650)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

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(781): then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints" http://tfl.nu/ml68

Replies (12) Good night (6392) Bad night (965)
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(630): View more from Illinois

all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

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(630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9

Replies (10) Good night (2864) Bad night (939)
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(541): View more from Oregon

We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

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(541): We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault http://tfl.nu/ovjn

Replies (4) Good night (2891) Bad night (815)
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(940): View more from Texas

Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers

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(940): Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers http://tfl.nu/bomc

Replies (14) Good night (4088) Bad night (884)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.

(770): View more from Georgia

That's the only definition of lonely that I know.

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(910): Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely. (770): That's the only definition of lonely that I know. http://tfl.nu/dtij

Replies (8) Good night (2164) Bad night (748)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable

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(810): Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable http://tfl.nu/3me5

Replies (7) Good night (3193) Bad night (578)
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(818): View more from California

She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.

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(818): She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her. http://tfl.nu/k3ta

Replies (4) Good night (370) Bad night (955)
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(386): View more from Florida

Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.

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(386): Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost. http://tfl.nu/901r

Replies (2) Good night (537) Bad night (225)
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(305): View more from Florida

Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.

(407): View more from Florida

Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.

(305): View more from Florida

They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.

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(305): Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out. (407): Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates. (305): They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize. http://tfl.nu/akvq

Replies (5) Good night (468) Bad night (342)

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