Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls