so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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