I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
