Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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