I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
