Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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