the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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