she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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