Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
