I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
