I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
