He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
