she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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