dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
