ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
