im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
