I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
