i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
