God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I look better un-naked...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
