I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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