remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
