i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
