I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just pee around me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
