you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found puke in my bra..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
