Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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