Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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