8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
