at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
