I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
