Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
