Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
