Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
