I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
