Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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