Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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