We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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