What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The air taste purple.
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