i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
