That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
