how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
