as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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