Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
