Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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