Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
