There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
