I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
