He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
