Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Found the puke drawer
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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