Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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