dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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