i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
