What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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