I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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