you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
