oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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